Tried and True Tips for Pastors’ Wives

I’ve been in ministry for 18 years.  That’s long enough to learn the ropes, I think.  Or, at least long enough to learn how to avoid hanging myself with those ropes.  So, in my quest to rescue others from the pitfalls of public life and the dangers of ritualistic religion, I’ve compiled a few tried and true tips that have served me well.  See what you think:

NEVER say ‘nice to meet you’ while shaking hands in the church lobby as you’ve probably already met this person 11 times.

ALWAYS use hand sanitizer after services.  Love is not the only thing being shared when you shake hands with everyone.

ALWAYS take a Sunday off a few times a year.

NEVER act like you have all the answers.

ALWAYS volunteer….but in only ONE place at a time.

NEVER find your identity in what people think about you.  People think you are better or worse than you really are simply based on your role.  Let the One who knows you best tell you who you are.

ALWAYS BE WHO YOU ARE!  Embrace the gifts God gave you, not someone else.

NEVER fear going to counseling. It is a great way to make sure you and the hubs are communicating amid the stress and busyness that comes from leading a church. It is a way for you to receive comfort instead of being the comforter and prevents burnout on ministry and marriage.

NEVER take criticism of the church personally.  Learn to separate yourself from the church so you avoid becoming cynical to the very people God called you to love.

ALWAYS have a thick skin and a soft heart. NEVER get it backward.

NEVER substitute your service to the church for your relationship with God.

ALWAYS keep in mind that not everyone is going to like you, but you’re in pretty good company . . . not everyone liked Jesus either.

NEVER present the illusion of the put-together woman without really BEING one.  Character matters.

NEVER surf Facebook or Twitter when you’re supposed to be reading You Version during worship….unless you’re trying to figure out the name of the person sitting behind you!

NEVER say everything you think.

Do you have something to add?  Feel free to add your own insights in the comments below.  I’d love to hear your tried and true tips, too!




17 thoughts on “Tried and True Tips for Pastors’ Wives

  1. cyndiakadisneyqueen says:

    Guess that’s the one advantage to being a small can spot a guest a mile away! lol Unfortunately I’ve had to learn the tough skin thing the hard way as I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve! Great advice as usual my friend.


  2. Julie Choate says:

    My husband is the new Connection Pastor at our church. He had been in the business world for 25 years before the Lord called him to this position, and it has been an interesting transition for both of us. This list is soooo helpful as I’m learning how to be a pastor’s wife for the first time! Thank you so much for sharing from your heart!!


  3. I have totally surfed facebook for someone’s name! LOL! I knew the wife’s but could not remember the husband’s name, nor could my my husband! 🙂

    That “nice to meet you” one is GOOD! I need to be very aware of that one!

    The volunteer in ONE place at a time is SO true! Sometimes I’m teaching children’s Sunday School and then working in the nursery in the next service. I miss hearing my hubby preach! I need the adult interaction, as well!!!

    Thanks for these tips, Tricia!


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