You Know You’re A Mom When

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I enjoy sharing those articles with you guys, too.  This month’s theme: Mother’s Day, of course.  I wrote (most of ) this article a year ago, but I couldn’t resist updating it for this month’s issue.  If you are a mom, I hope you laugh….and relate.

Over the Christmas break, my family spent a few days in Gatlinburg, TN with my sister-in-law and her family. We walked the strip, ate apple butter att The Apple Barn, and got car sick driving the windy roads of the Smokies.  All of the kids goofed off and laughed, we swapped Christmas presents, and spent way too much time in Fannie Farkles Arcade (It’s the South; don’t judge our stupid names.)

As we were leaving a restaurant one afternoon, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets to find my gloves (yep, the Smokies were covered in snow), but I had to sift through all the other stuff I had crammed in there first.  I literally had to stop walking so I could carefully pull out my gloves without spilling the items in my pocket.  That’s when I said it:

“You know you’re a mom when you carry a bottle of children’s ibuprofen and a measuring cup in your pocket just in case someone get sick.”

My sister-in-law snickered and admitted she, too, had a few oddities in her possession:

“You know you’re a mom when you have toilet seat covers in your purse.”

I had to one-up her:

“You know you’re a mom when you keep trash bags in the glove compartment of your car in case someone throws up.”

We enjoyed our little game.  Then we walked into a crowded skating rink and found ourselves counting heads every five minutes to make sure we had not lost one of our kids.  Yet another sign of motherhood.

Oh, but the game didn’t end there for me.  Late one night after we returned home, my whole family was tucked neatly in their own beds sound asleep when I thought I heard a noise in the night.  I raised up off my pillow to listen more closely and heard nothing else, so I chuckled to myself as I rolled over and thought, “You know you’re a mom when you hear a noise in the night and your first fear is not an intruder but a sick child, instead.”

But, the laugh was on me.  Indeed, a child was sick, and I spent the next few hours awake with her.

I’m a mom.  It’s what I do.

Yet, my kids need so much more from me than what I can fit in my pockets or the medicines I can offer in the middle of the night.  They need my counsel after a fight with a friend.  They need my wisdom to shape their perspective on life.  They need the protective boundaries I put in place to save them from unwise choices.  And, they need to see a real-life example of how to live this life with grace and dignity.

That’s overwhelming.

I can handle Ibuprofen and fevers.  It’s the big stuff like shaping their world view and raising God-honoring people that leaves me shaking in my boots.  I can’t fit anything in my pockets for those issues.  But, I can put something in my heart.

God’s Word.

The Bible is full of wisdom for dealing with relationships, resolving conflict, and living an honorable life.  If I know those Truths, I can teach them to my kids.  So can you.

So while we’re busy stuffing our purses and pockets with goldfish crackers and trash bags, let’s stuff our hearts with encouragement from God’s Word.  Only then will we be truly equipped for the job.

2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.”

Trendsetters

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I enjoy sharing them with you, too.  This month’s issue is all about fashion.  Here’s my take on the subject:

 

When it comes to fashion there are two kinds of people.  Trendsetters and trend followers.  There are those among us who mixed stripes with patterns long before it was cool.  Others have shown us the perils of pleated pants.  In short, some of us lead and some follow.

I, for one, am a trend follower.  When new fashion ideas hit the masses, I usually shy away rather than embrace the latest trend.

Take skinny jeans for example.

A few years ago, clothes fit looser – sometimes even oversized – giving me plenty of room to take that second helping of loaded mashed potatoes and enjoy myself.  Not anymore.  An extra bite of that calorie laden goodness might cause me to spring a button on those fashion forward pants.  When the skinny jean trend made its appearance, I scoffed.  Who would wear such a thing?  

Uh, apparently everyone in the known world.

Before long, skinny jeans were everywhere.  In every color. On every body type.  I saw them in magazines, in stores, and on people.  Over time my reservations began to wane, however, as I saw how attractive people looked in this new trend, and I saw its benefits.  Tall boots looked stylish over a dark pair of skinny jeans, and legs look longer and leaner when paired with modern heels.  Eventually I found myself in a dressing room sliding on my very first pair.

The fashion world isn’t the only one setting trends.  A quick drive down Georgia 400 showcases that trends happen everywhere.  One driver edges in front of another in traffic causing the second driver to act more aggressively, too.  In a matter of minutes, the highway is full of impatient, angry people.  The same thing happens in our homes when we arrive in a foul mood.  One cross word results in another unpleasant response until our homes are replete with discord.  Most of us follow the path that someone else cuts out before us, so if they pave the way with frustration and annoyance we’ll likely respond in kind (or not so kind).  I’ll admit I’m tempted to return the slap rather than turn the other cheek.

What we need are some trendsetters.  We need some people who would pave the way with compassion and gentleness even in the face cheap shots and selfish gain.  We need people who would choose to act with respect and good manners whether or not the people around them deserve it.  Although we might scoff at first – thinking they are crazy for not demanding their own way – we just might recognize the benefits of their way of living.  We might see their actions as so beautiful – so attractive – that we, too, want to give it a shot.  And, before long we might see a trend of thoughtfulness or self-control in our homes and offices.

Fashion and faith. They aren’t that far apart.  If those of us who call ourselves Christians would simply wear our faith the way God intended, a watching world would be drawn to us.  They would know just how beautiful our God really is.  And, they would want to try Him out for themselves.  Let’s pave the way with love and honor.

That’s a trend we can all set.

 

Flannel Boards and Other Intimidating Things

Each month I write a little diddy for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I like to share those articles with you guys, too. This month the magazine focuses on ‘”family time.” 

Sometimes I amazed by those families. You know the ones. They have family devotions. Every day. The mom creates handy-dandy crafts to complement the devotional lesson. Bible verses are memorized, and their refrigerators are adorned with popsicle-stick characters from the Old Testament. They probably even have their very own flannel board for story-telling. Yeah, those families.

The Lovejoy’s aren’t like that. At all. I’m not the mom who likes to make crafts, and my patience wears thin when we try to corral our family to sit still and pay attention.

Yet, I wholeheartedly believe that parents are the best teachers for their kids and that there is nothing more important than teaching them about God. I just take a different approach. I tend to grab teachable moments as they come and leverage them to show my kids the value of Godliness, obedience, love, and generosity.

I’ll give you an example: my oldest daughter sat with me during one of our services at MountainLakeChurch not long ago. She was absolutely tuned in to what her dad was teaching on stage as she took notes and underlined verses in her Bible. Occasionally, she leaned over to whisper a question or clarify a thought, and I had the chance to direct her to additional verses and show her some ways to learn even more. That doesn’t happen in every church service, so when I recognized her interest, I seized the teachable moment.

I look for similar opportunities with my younger two children. For instance, the other day when my little boy got his feelings hurt, we talked about the need to repair and restore the relationship because “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). A real life experience…..related back to God.

Of course, I leverage my influence in the social media arena, as well.  My oldest daughter and I have thought-provoking conversations about posts we see on Facebook and Twitter.  Often, I’m able to springboard off those posts to guide her toward making wise choices and why she should make them. It’s not my goal to be “preachy.” I simply want to coach her to be the best young woman she can be – relationally and spiritually.

So, we haven’t bought a flannel board or finger puppets. Nothing against puppets, mind you. I’m just not wired that way. And, just in case you’re not wired like that either, I want to encourage you to look for everyday, teachable moments and make the most of them! Don’t let it intimidate you. Discussing real life situations can be one of your best tools for instilling integrity and moral character in your children.  Take the time to pass along the wisdom that you possess.  You CAN do it!

 

Then Power of an Encouraging Spouse

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I enjoy sharing it with you guys, too.  This month the magazine focuses on love and marriage.  Fitting since Valentines’s is just days away.  Check it out.

February is the month of love.  The Greeting Card section of every store is full of romance, and many of us are hoping for some sweet surprise on the 14^th.  We’ll spend money on frivolous gifts – stuffed animals, candy, restaurants – all in the name of love.  I’ll get caught up in the fun, too, but I wonder if we are really showing love?  We’re putting on a good show – pretty boxes with ribbons and cards with sweet sentiments – but, if our actions don’t back up our gifts, we aren’t showing real love.  Real love goes beyond candy boxes and teddy bears.  Real love displays itself in daily life.  Let me explain.

Have you ever stopped to think about what your husband faces in a typical day? No matter what his job is, he deals with demands, pressures, and probably a competitive drive that pushes him to constantly be better, do more, or measure up to some standard. In the midst of those demands and pressures from his career, he might even deal with pressures he places on himself to provide for his family, to be the dad he ought to be, or to keep his wife happy. I know sometimes our husbands seem like their minds are a million miles away, but I assure you these concerns weigh heavily on their hearts.

What about you, men? Did you know that your wife faces similar burdens?

She constantly tries to be all things to all people – an admirable, albeit impossible goal.  She longs to be a wonderful mother, but privately deals with guilt when she feels she’s blown it.  She feels pressure to say yes to everyone in her life and will exhaust herself trying to help others.  She wants to be a team player and offer her best, even as she faces the unspoken fear that she’ll be taken for granted.  Husbands, your wives want to be loved for all they do.  I assure you that love is the grand prize they are seeking.

With goals and demands weighing heavily on both sides of the gender gap, it’s fair to assume that we could all use some encouragement….some recognition….some love.  How could we partner together to help one another?

In Scripture, Jesus taught that we should treat others the way we want to be treated.  So, if encouragement and love would build you up, what would it do for your spouse?

More than anyone else, our spouses need to hear us say things like, “I’m with you no matter what” or “I know you the best, and I love you the most.” They need us to keep them focused on living out God’s purpose for their lives, not on the voice of the naysayers. Our encouragement means more to them than a thousand pats on the back by well-meaning friends. We have a voice of power in our spouses’ lives. Let’s leverage that voice to build them up!

How could you encourage your spouse today? Could you write a love letter? Could you tell him how much he impresses you? Could you thank her for all she does to provide for your family? Could you plan a celebration for one of her accomplishments? Could you compliment him in front of others? The ideas are endless.

During this month when we so visibly celebrate love, seize the opportunity to tell your sweetie just how wonderful they really are.  After all, our lives shouldn’t be about us – about what we can get or what we want.  Ultimately, our lives should be about what we can give – the love we can share – and the influence we have over the people closest to us.  That’s real love.

 

The Walking Dead

It’s a new month, which means a new article for Up in Cumming Magazine.  This month’s issue focuses on good health.  I put my own spin on it.  Let me know what you think!

Zombies. Half-dead, half-alive. Not fully conscious. They are numb to the life around them, and their only purpose is to make through the day.

In Atlanta, we’re zombie-crazy since the hit TV show, The Walking Dead, is filmed here. I know several people who have donned their best zombie costumes and auditioned to be extras on the show. My husband records every episode, and I try to watch along with him, but honestly, it gets too gross for me. I’m such a wimp. Those zombies freak me out.

The truth is, however, I’ve been a zombie. No, I haven’t auditioned to be on the show. But, I have been half-dead.

Spiritually speaking.

Although I have experienced the life-changing grace of God, I will admit that I have lived through seasons when I grew numb to the excitement that I felt when I first met Him. I have, at times, been lulled into thinking that I’m ok because I’m busy doing good things even though I’m simply going through the motions. I have excused behavior that dishonors the God I claim to serve. I have rationalized my actions. Ultimately, that line of thinking caused me to ignore or not hear the still, small voice of God in my life, and I missed lessons He wanted to teach or opportunities He placed before me. Spiritually speaking, I wasn’t fully alive. I was numb.

I have been a spiritual zombie….more than once.

Jesus has a warning for those of us who have been bitten by the zombie virus:

Revelation 3:1b-3 “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive—but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.”

I bet you have been a zombie at times, too, but let me encourage you. There IS more to life than going through the motions. There IS more to faith than a list of do’s and don’ts. There IS more to a relationship with God than checking church attendance off a list.

You CAN be fully alive. You CAN hear the voice of God. You CAN recognize His activity around you.

It might be as simple as reading the bible and going to church.  Or, maybe one-on-one time with a trusted friend could help jumpstart your spiritual life.  Whatever it is, this New Year make some changes to become spiritually healthy.

You don’t have to be a spiritual zombie. Wake up and come to life!

Rubik’s Cubes and Jesus

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I like to share them with you, too.  This month’s issue was focused, of course, on Christmas.  Hope you like it!

It’s Christmas time which means the age-old mad dash for the latest, greatest toy.  You know what I’m talking about – the compulsive drive we have to purchase whatever toy the advertisers have brainwashed us into thinking our children must have.

I remember the Christmas I got a Rubik’s Cube, the world’s best selling hand-held puzzle.  It was the hottest item that holiday season, and I couldn’t wait to try my hand at solving it. I must have spent hours messing with that silly piece of plastic.  I took it on car rides and fiddled with it during bored moments.  I twisted and turned the pieces as I watched TV and ate snacks.  Yet, I was never able to figure it out, and I gradually spent less and less time with it until it found a permanent home at the bottom of my night stand drawer.

I bet you have similar stories with other “hot-ticket items.” Remember these?

Care Bears.                     

Cabbage Patch dolls.

Boom Boxes.

Tickle Me Elmo.

Do you know what all of these toys have in common? They are old news!  At one time they were all the rage, but eventually these prized possessions were tossed aside and forgotten.

The Gospel is sort of like those toys, for some of us.  The story of God’s great love is exciting when we first discover it, and we find ourselves enamored with His goodness.  We attend church….often.  We even find ways to serve others.  We read the Bible and tell others what we’re learning.  We view God as fresh, relevant, and inspiring. For a season, God has our complete attention, but then monotony sets in.

We hear God’s story each week at church and grow numb to its power.  Frustrated because we don’t always understand the Bible, we stop reading.  Focused more on our daily routines and responsibilities, we stop talking about God with other people.  Over time, our excitement for our faith wanes, and we grow cold to the One who once wooed us.

Maybe you can relate.  Maybe the passion you once had for God is somewhere at the bottom of your night stand drawer along with your Rubik’s cube and cassette tapes.  Maybe you find yourself going through the motions of your Christian faith without enthusiasm or pleasure.

Do you know what I’ve discovered? When the Good News becomes old news, it loses its power in our lives.  The Gospel becomes familiar to us, and we forget its greatness.  When that happens, we miss out on so much that God has to offer – directions He wants to give us, opportunities He provides, joy and purpose, and fulfillment that only He can create.

Do you remember when you first heard that God loved you?  Do you remember how you felt? Do you still have that level of passion? Maybe you’ve never thought about the Gift. Trust me, there’s no better present you could get this year than a relationship with God, and there are hundreds of fantastic churches all over our county that will help you discover just how good the Gospel really is.

This Christmas season, let’s not spin our wheels chasing the latest fad.  Instead, let’s take a fresh look at the gift God gave us through His Son, Jesus.  It’s the only one that really matters.  Merry Christmas!

Eyes Wide Open

Each month I write an article for a local magazine called Up In Cumming.  As always, I like to share them with you, too.  October’s issue was themed Fall Fashion….something right up my alley!  Dive in:

My future’s so bright I have to wear shades.

Or, maybe it’s just my blue eyes.  Studies have shown that blue irises allow more unwanted light into the retina than brown irises.  In layman’s terms, people with blue eyes squint more in bright light than others do, which explains why I have so many pairs of sunglasses: two in my car, one in my purse, one at home, and of course, a “standby” pair in case one of the other four meets a sad demise.  Let’s just say I like to be prepared.

When a local ophthalmologist explained the benefits of polarized sunglasses, I was intrigued.  Polarized glasses protect eyes from harmful UV rays and intense light – something my fashion lenses didn’t do.  So I made a quick trip to the North Georgia Premium Outlets, and thirty minutes later my eyes were protected by uber cute, polarized shades.

I was amazed by my new view as I drove home.  Colors were more vivid, and even though sunlight was reflecting brightly off the clouds, my eyes were wide open.  No squinting for me.

But, something else caught my attention – small white circles on the back window of my car.  At first, I thought my kids had been up to no good, but that wasn’t the case.  When I removed the polarized lenses, the dots vanished.  Put them on again, and the dots covered my window.  Apparently, my new glasses gave me some sort of super power to see things that I couldn’t see otherwise.

I did some online research to investigate my new-found super hero status, and it turns out that other people with polarized glasses often see similar dots.  Whether caused by the UV film the auto makers use or a lamination feature to prevent the glass from shattering, polarized glasses allow us to see the dots.  In short, my glasses help me see things that are hidden from plain sight.

Oh, how I wish we all had spiritual lenses that would allow us to see beyond the surface to what may be hidden beneath.  Maybe those glasses would help us understand each other better.  If we could see beyond the pat answer of “fine” when we ask someone how they are doing, we might discover they’ve had a rough day.  If we could see beyond the reclusive nature of our co-worker, we might learn how to best engage them.  If we could see beyond the perfect smiles so many of us present, we might realize most people deal with private struggles that affect the way they behave and interact.

Maybe if we had that kind of spiritual vision, we’d cut each other a little more slack.  We’d extend a little less impatience and a little more grace.  A little less hurry and a little more time.  A little less me and a little more you.  Having that sort of spiritual eyesight would help us give each other the benefit of the doubt and meet heartfelt needs.

Actually, we don’t need special glasses for that.  Scripture says that God has given us eyes to see and ears to hear.  Not to see and hear the physical side of life, but the spiritual – to see the need of our neighbor or the hurt of a friend.  We simply need to take the time to notice.

As our families dive into a busy fall season, let’s do it with eyes wide open.  Put on your spiritual lenses and see the people around you as they really are – people with feelings, goals, families, hurts, victories, and yes, even colorful lives.  Take time to get to know them….the real them.  The time you spend just might make you a super hero in their eyes.

Ears to hear and eyes to see – both are gifts from the Lord. Proverbs 20:12 

Halfway There

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I always like to share them with you, too!  This month’s issue was focused on home improvements.  Check it out:

I was tempted to do it again.  Tired of cutting, edging, and rolling, I was tempted to take a shortcut and skip the second coat of paint in my husband’s home office.  Surely the drapes and artwork I planned to hang would cover the imperfections of only one coat of Harmonic Tan.  But, alas, I’ve been at this decision point before and suffered the consequences of doing a job halfway.  The kitchen walls in a previous house we owned were a constant reminder of the one-coat-woes. The color on the walls was thinner in certain places, and I noticed the flaw every time the morning light poured in.  Never fully happy with the finished project, I regretted not taking a bit more time to do the job correctly so I could truly enjoy the room.  Doing a job halfway never delivers the desired results, so even though my hands were tired and my family was starving for dinner, I began to roll the second coat onto the walls.  (Let’s face it.  I’d rather paint than cook anyway.)

I’ll be the first to admit that taking shortcuts often works out well.  The dishwasher is a shortcut to clean dishes.  The microwave is a shortcut to buttery popcorn.  Self-tanners are a shortcut to a summer tan. Ok, that last one doesn’t always pan out, but you get the idea.  Sometimes we can do half the work and still get a good payoff.  Other times, however, doing a job halfway doesn’t deliver the goods.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a halfhearted apology?  The kind of apology in which the right words are spoken but they lacked authentic remorse? Maybe, just maybe, you’ve even been guilty of giving one.  Sometimes sarcasm is attached; possibly even an exasperated tone is thrown in for good measure.  Perhaps body language says it all with folded arms or an expressionless face.  In any case, apologies like these don’t deliver the desired results.  Instead of righting the wrong, soothing hurt feelings, and rebuilding trust, halfhearted apologies leave us feeling empty.  Until genuine sorrow is expressed and forgiveness is granted, broken relationships cannot heal.  Relationships with friends and family – the ones that were designed to bring us joy, camaraderie, and support – suffer when we only do half the work.

Saying the right words without the right emotion doesn’t deliver the goods.  As a matter of fact, I have never experienced a relationship in which I only put forth half effort and still received a good payoff.  Healthy relationships take work….and lots of it.  There is no shortcut to a lifelong friendship, a profitable business partnership, or a vibrant marriage.  Yet, if we are willing to invest time and energy, our relationships will bring us great pleasure.

Save the shortcuts for popcorn on movie night, and choose to go the extra mile with people.

Invest deeply into your friendships – God knows you need them.  Schedule a coffee date with a friend or invite someone to dinner.  Go the extra mile and reach out. 

Show love to your family – God knows they need it.  Extend compassion and kindness. 

Be responsive to needs in our community – God expects it.

And, when you mess up, apologize.  Quickly.  Willingly.  Wholeheartedly.

Put a second coat of love on the people in your life.  It’s a never-ending project, but oh so worth it.

Winning Matters

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I always like to share them here, too.  Since Father’s Day is this weekend, I had men on my mind when I wrote this one.  Check it out:

Men love to win.

I know this first hand.  I watch my husband annihilate unsuspecting opponents on NCAA Football on his Playstation 3.  He takes great pleasure in it.  I literally think it relaxes him.  My son is no different.  He can’t wait to tell me how he won a foot race among his neighborhood friends, declaring himself the fastest of all.  Recently, he told me that he beat his friend Alyssa at arm wrestling. (Yes, I know.  Arm wrestling a girl was not his finest moment.) Of course, scoring a touchdown or a home run puts him on cloud nine, too.  Winning gives the men in my life a feeling of accomplishment, and yes, satisfaction.

Winning is important to most of us.  We all want to know we’ve done a good job or we’ve played a significant role.  Maybe that’s why some of us love sports so much.  In sports, the scoreboard keeps a visible record of things we do well.  The points are tallied, and the crowd cheers us on.  It’s also easy to pinpoint our mistakes.  Fumble the ball and the crowd will boo.  Strike out and your team suffers.  Things are pretty black and white when you’re on the ball field, but in our personal lives things aren’t quite as clear.  Without the luxury of a lighted scoreboard, we don’t feel the immediate gratification of a good choice.  Without a stadium full of fans, we aren’t encouraged after a hard hit.  And, we certainly don’t feel the satisfaction of a post-game interview when we get to relive the glory of our best plays.  In the ho-hum of our everyday schedules, we are often hard-pressed to see the “wins” in our lives.

Like when a dad tells his daughter he’s proud of who she is.  His words can penetrate deep into the recesses of her heart, shaping her view of herself.  That’s a touchdown.

Like when a man draws a line between work and home and learns to shut off the laptop and engage his family at night.  Building memories with our families is about so much more than sharing a few good laughs; it’s about relishing the people who know us best and love us most.  That’s a home run.

Like when a man takes time to teach his son responsibility and compassion.  His coaching will affect the way his son parents his own family one day.  Points go on the board with every lesson.

Or, like when a man displays integrity, even when it hurts. His willingness to lead well at work, on the ball field, or at home sets an example for all of us to follow.  It’s attractive.  It’s contagious.  It’s the stuff of champions.

It’s tempting to measure our success by our possessions or status, but the true measure of our success is in our everyday decisions.  My husband recently wrote a book, The Measure of Our Success, for pastors about this very topic.  Yet, all of us could learn from it.  All of us need to reconsider what winning really looks like.

This month we’ll celebrate Father’s Day, but I want us to celebrate more than just the fathers around us.  Let’s celebrate all the men in our lives.  Let’s be a verbal scoreboard for them. Celebrate who they are and the sacrifices they make for the ones they love.  Cheer them on when they fight a good fight and encourage them after a hard hit.

Winning matters.  More than you think.

 

Ways to FLOURISH in Your Marriage

Yesterday, I posted a blog at Flourish.me, a brand new website for pastors’ wives and women in ministry, but I forgot to share it with you guys, too!  I shared some of my personal tips for a healthy marriage.  If you’d like to take a sneak peek into my private life to see how Shawn and I resolve conflict, click here.  I’ve pulled back the curtain on my life for all the world to see.