The Secret I Kept

A few weeks ago I received a phone call from my daughter’s (Hannah) middle school.  Apparently, she was going to be given an award on May 22nd, and I was invited to attend the ceremony.  Since it was intended to be a surprise, I was asked to keep it under wraps and simply show up for the event.

Keeping it under wraps took restraint.  Discipline, I tell you.  Hannah had mentioned the awards ceremony in passing a few times, and each time she assured me she had no chance of winning anything.  Since I knew that to be false, I had to bite my lip to keep from telling her the good news.  Oh, the squirming I did!

So, yesterday was the big day.  I listened as awards were presented to students who had achieved academically and had proven to be stellar students, but the best sound was the cheers that came from the students, themselves.  They had a blast whooping and hollering and celebrating each other.  As I sat there, I thought about the significance of taking some time to celebrate the wins in our lives.  Big or small, accomplishments are important, and recognizing them is even more important.  There is something fantastic about getting a pat on the back.  It just spurs you on.

Yesterday made me want to print a few certificates of my own.  To pat a few backs.  To celebrate the accomplishments of my friends.

• Like, my friends JJ and Brian who have hosted my Life Group in their home this year.  They’ve provided a welcoming environment for our group to enjoy.  Their hospitality makes me smile.
• Or, my friend Meagan who is mentoring several young women.  She selflessly offers her time to love and encourage other people.  She is making a difference!
• Or, my friend Jill who, after years of working hard, will become a stay-at-home mom next week.  She has resigned from teaching and is looking forward to being home with her family and volunteering at church at a heightened level.  She’s planned and saved for this day, and the reward will be so sweet.
• Or, my mother-in-law, Teresa, who has battled a bewildering illness for several years now.  She keeps putting one foot in front of the other, and despite the pain no one seems to understand, she loves and cares for her family.  Inspiring.

We don’t need certificates to celebrate.  We just need our words.  Tell someone today what a good job they’re doing or how they put a smile on your face.  I assure you, your words will spur them on to greatness!  People value what is celebrated.  Celebrate the good you see and watch as good flourishes!

Oh, and by the way, Hannah earned honors for achievements in Physical Science, and she earned the Wildcat Award, which is an award to honor someone who excels academically, is involved in activities, contributes to the community, and whose character is an example for others.  Way to go, Hannah!  That’s my girl!

 

You Know You’re A Mom When

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I enjoy sharing those articles with you guys, too.  This month’s theme: Mother’s Day, of course.  I wrote (most of ) this article a year ago, but I couldn’t resist updating it for this month’s issue.  If you are a mom, I hope you laugh….and relate.

Over the Christmas break, my family spent a few days in Gatlinburg, TN with my sister-in-law and her family. We walked the strip, ate apple butter att The Apple Barn, and got car sick driving the windy roads of the Smokies.  All of the kids goofed off and laughed, we swapped Christmas presents, and spent way too much time in Fannie Farkles Arcade (It’s the South; don’t judge our stupid names.)

As we were leaving a restaurant one afternoon, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets to find my gloves (yep, the Smokies were covered in snow), but I had to sift through all the other stuff I had crammed in there first.  I literally had to stop walking so I could carefully pull out my gloves without spilling the items in my pocket.  That’s when I said it:

“You know you’re a mom when you carry a bottle of children’s ibuprofen and a measuring cup in your pocket just in case someone get sick.”

My sister-in-law snickered and admitted she, too, had a few oddities in her possession:

“You know you’re a mom when you have toilet seat covers in your purse.”

I had to one-up her:

“You know you’re a mom when you keep trash bags in the glove compartment of your car in case someone throws up.”

We enjoyed our little game.  Then we walked into a crowded skating rink and found ourselves counting heads every five minutes to make sure we had not lost one of our kids.  Yet another sign of motherhood.

Oh, but the game didn’t end there for me.  Late one night after we returned home, my whole family was tucked neatly in their own beds sound asleep when I thought I heard a noise in the night.  I raised up off my pillow to listen more closely and heard nothing else, so I chuckled to myself as I rolled over and thought, “You know you’re a mom when you hear a noise in the night and your first fear is not an intruder but a sick child, instead.”

But, the laugh was on me.  Indeed, a child was sick, and I spent the next few hours awake with her.

I’m a mom.  It’s what I do.

Yet, my kids need so much more from me than what I can fit in my pockets or the medicines I can offer in the middle of the night.  They need my counsel after a fight with a friend.  They need my wisdom to shape their perspective on life.  They need the protective boundaries I put in place to save them from unwise choices.  And, they need to see a real-life example of how to live this life with grace and dignity.

That’s overwhelming.

I can handle Ibuprofen and fevers.  It’s the big stuff like shaping their world view and raising God-honoring people that leaves me shaking in my boots.  I can’t fit anything in my pockets for those issues.  But, I can put something in my heart.

God’s Word.

The Bible is full of wisdom for dealing with relationships, resolving conflict, and living an honorable life.  If I know those Truths, I can teach them to my kids.  So can you.

So while we’re busy stuffing our purses and pockets with goldfish crackers and trash bags, let’s stuff our hearts with encouragement from God’s Word.  Only then will we be truly equipped for the job.

2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.”

Bribery and Jesus

It started on a whim.

One morning on the way to school, my youngest child, Paul, recited a verse he had learned in Kraze. His sister, Madison, knew it, too.  Then she rattled off another verse she happened to know, which Paul repeated.  They were pretty impressed with themselves for knowing two verses.

On our way to school the next morning, I asked one of them to pray out loud, and then, out of the blue, they both recited their verses again.  I taught them one more for good measure, and so began our newest tradition: praying and memorizing bible verses on the way to school.

When they had mastered 8 verses, I dangled a carrot in front of them: $10 for 10 verses.  Yeah, I know, bribery might not be the wisest avenue to take, but they took the bait, and today they earned $10 each! Here are the verses they’ve memorized:

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

Exodus 20:3 You must not have any gods but me.

Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord.  He said, “Who will I send? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am.  Send me.”

Psalms 39:7 Where should I put my hope?  My only hope is in You.”

Psalms 119:27 Help me understand the meaning of Your commandments, and I will meditate on Your wonderful deeds.

Proverbs 11:27 The generous shall prosper. Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

Philippians 4:19 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

James 1:19 Understand this, brothers and sisters: All of you must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 3:2 For indeed we have all made many mistakes.  For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and able to control ourselves in every other way.

Pretty awesome, huh? It may look like a lot, but it literally takes us about 5-6 minutes to pray and recite the verses. I especially love when they explain the verses to me.  Understanding is more important than memorization.

Want to know the best part? As they’ve recited those verses each morning, I’ve learned them, too.  Score!

Today, I’m one proud mama….especially because the kiddos just found 2 new verses.  They want to tackle another set of 10!

If you are looking for an easy way to disciple your kids, give this a shot.  You just might find you disciple YOURSELF in the process.

 

Modern Manners

Manners.  In many ways, it’s a lost art.  A quick scan of our society proves it.  Just dine in any restaurant and observe the families eating dinner: elbows on the tables, loud talking, messiness, and misbehaving kids.  On your drive home, you’ll likely encounter a driver who cuts you off in traffic or gives some creative sign language.

But that’s just the beginning.

Smart phones rule our world and cause us to toss the idea of good behavior right out the window.  Break-up’s happen via text, face to face conversations are interrupted by our fixation on constant updates from Facebook and Twitter, and people even carry on private phone conversations in public places….a joy for the rest of us to hear.

The Today Show aired a segment on Modern Manners this week and it got me wondering how I measure up when it comes to proper manners…..and if I’m teaching my kids to mind their p’s and q’s, as well.

What about you?  Do you:

• send a written thank you when a kindness has been shown?
• allow others to go before you (even when driving)?
• hold the door open for others?
• keep a napkin in your lap at mealtime?
• clean up after yourself?
• resolve conflict face to face, rather than in email or text?
• keep your promises….even when it is inconvenient?
• mind your words when you are short-tempered?
• make eye contact and give a firm hand shake when meeting someone?
• take the initiative to introduce yourself to new people?

In this digital age, here are a few new ones to consider.  Do you:

• send group texts without considering if the recipients want the deluge of responses that will fill their phones?
• post passive aggressive thoughts on social media to air your grievances?
• pay more attention to your smart phone that the person standing in front of you?
• share too much private info on social media?
• put ear buds in your ears to drown out the world rather than politely engaging the people around you?

Want to know my biggest pet peeve?  It’s old school….a throwback.  Here it is: Smacking.  Chewing with an open mouth, chewing noises, and slurping all give me the heebee jeebee’s and make me long for all of us to have better manners.  Maybe I’ll grab a book on modern manners and give my family a little pop quiz to see how they fare.  (I’m sure they’ll love me.)  Who knows? Maybe we’ll start a trend that Emily Post would be proud of.  Mrs. Post said it best, however.  Check it out:

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.” 

Good food for thought in this modern age.

So, what about you today?  What is your biggest pet peeve with bad manners and what is one thing you strive to do to mind your p’s and q’s?

 

There’s A Bad Apple In Every Bunch

Each year I read through the bible in chronological order.  That means I read the books of the bible in the order that the events happened.  I just finished Chronicles, including some chapters of family genealogies.  You know what I’m talking about.  So-and-so was the father of so-and-so.  Verse after verse of so-and-so’s.  It’s the type of stuff most of us usually skip over hoping to get to more enlightening reading.

But, this time I was enlightened.

Reading through the genealogies, I took note of the famous names, like Noah, Abraham, and David.  These were men that God loved, men who obeyed God and earned fantastic reputations.  In a way, I would expect that their family tree would be special….sort of blessed.  I would expect that no black sheep would be in their families, after all, they would the elite of the elite.  Yet, each one of these men had descendants who acted in honorable ways and despicable ways.  As the family lines continued I saw that each generation had righteous people as well as wicked people.  Apparently there’s a bad apple in every bunch.

Think about it: Judah sold his brother into slavery, yet Jesus Himself is in his family tree.

David was a man after God’s own heart, but his son, Absalom, slept with David’s wives and tried to overthrow David’s kingdom.

Eil was a righteous priest, but his sons were promiscuous and deceitful.

The genealogies continue in various books of the Bible, occasionally pinpointing the righteousness or wickedness of specific people.

There’s a lesson buried in those so-and-so lists.  It doesn’t matter who you came from or how good your family’s reputation is.  The truth is every family tree has sin.  We can’t ride the coattails of our Godly heritage, and neither are we limited by a disgraceful past.

You see, we all make our own choices. We might bear a good name but we can choose to sully it. We might bear a sullied name but we can choose to reestablish it. I’ve seen children of godly parents walk a wayward road, and I’ve seen children of wayward parents choose more righteous path.

What will we choose to do with our lives today? Whether we’ve been given a good name or sullied one, we have the greatest power in the world – the power to choose.  I’m choosing to never be limited by what came before me, whether good or bad. I’m choosing to keep my eyes on Jesus. To read scripture and live by it. I’m choosing to dust myself off when I fall and try again.  I’m choosing to lay a Godly foundation for others to build on.

What about you? Don’t buy into the lie that sin must be a repeating cycle in your family tree.  We can CHOOSE!

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Home From Spring Break Vacation….

Ok, not so funny.

More like alarming.

As my family and I traveled north on Ga 400 we saw blue lights flashing.  Yep, a cop.  But not after us, thankfully.  As we watched he sped ahead of us obviously in hot pursuit.  A few moments passed when we saw a second set of blue lights flashing.  With all this excitement, our snoozing kids came to life in the backseat.  Then, a third police car joined the action.  We were busy concocting our own stories of who the police were chasing and what the alleged bad guys had done when we saw the blue lights slow down right in front of our car.

We were mesmerized as we witnessed all three police cars converge on a 4 door sedan.  Together, they edged the car to the side of the road and then stopped all oncoming traffic, including the Lovejoy van – which, by the way, enjoyed front-row status.  We couldn’t believe it!  We had never witnessed anything like it and since our car was directly behind one of the police cars, we had an incredible view of the action.

Now, as you can imagine, we were pretty animated as we slowed to a stop.  The kids were saying things like WOW and COOL and ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW SO WE CAN HEAR THEM.  That’s when I saw it.  The police officer closest to us reached for his hand gun, thought better of it, and pulled out a longer, larger gun instead.

Geez Louise, I wasn’t ready for that! 

All of the police officers pulled their weapons and trained them on the bad guy.  All I could think was if this became a shootout, we were in trouble.  In my calmest  most panicked voice, I told the kids to get down, and then my natural instinct was to put the car in reverse.

Uh, I was sitting on GA 400.  There were about 9,785 cars on my bumper.  Not happening.

So, I did the only thing I could do – watched the action and called the scene like a commentator on ESPN.

“Ok, the canines are barking.”  (I usually don’t refer to dogs as canines, but it seemed to fit the moment.  Most commentators sound professional like that.)

“The tall, skinny man is stepping out of his vehicle.”

“His hands are raised….reaching for the sky.” (I was feeling risky, so I cracked my window to hear what the police were saying. When I looked over to my husband, I saw him filming the event with his iPhone.  Good thing.  My commentary was superb. Then I noticed the guy in the neighboring car pull out his phone to film, too.  I wonder if I should have commentated louder for his benefit?)

“The police are on their bullhorn.  Telling him to turn around….walk backwards.”

“Ok, the cops are cuffing him.  And, the car search begins.”

Then, the excitement was over as the police waved the traffic back into play.  The whole thing lasted about 2 minutes.  Not nearly enough time for me to master my commentary skills.  But, it was enough for my family.  We happily drove home, thankful for no gun-fight.

But, the story didn’t end there.  As luck would have it, one of the police officers is a friend of mine.  As we compared notes later in the week, he told me what had happened.  Turns out it wasn’t a thief on the run or a wanted drug dealer.  It was a case of road rage.  A woman had called 911 because she thought someone had brandished a gun at her while driving down the road.  It wasn’t a gun.  It was brass knuckles.

Classy guy.  Waving brass knuckles at women.

Needless to say, I bet he won’t be waving at people any time soon.

So, here’s today’s lesson:  KEEP CALM AND DRIVE ON (said in my best commentators voice).  I’m sure God expects us to act with more dignity and grace than these characters did.

And, if you wave at someone, be sure to use all of your fingers….not just one.

Spring Cleaning

Here in Georgia, we’ve had a few brilliantly sunny afternoons lately.  Blue skies.  Mild(ish) temps.  Rain has hit occasionally, but the few hints of warmer weather have put my Spring Fever in full tilt.

I’m ready for shorts and flip-flops.

I want to clock in some time in a lounge chair beside a pool.

I want to see blooming flowers.

I want to smell freshly cut grass.

Yep, I’m ready for Spring.  But, before I can enjoy all the fun of the great outdoors, there’s one thing I MUST do: Spring Clean!!

I LOVE to clean out and organize things, and there’s no better time to do it than now.  Outside, all things are becoming new again, and I want the same feeling inside my home.  So far, I’ve tackled my living room, dining room, and one bathroom by washing baseboards, dusting blinds, and vacuuming under all the sofa cushions.  In the days to come, closets will be cleared of old clothes, the bathroom vanities will be purged of clutter, and desks will be reorganized.  I’ll deal with one room at a time until I earn Good Housekeeping seal of approval.  Cleaning out and refreshing my home just feels GOOD!

So, I’m wondering who is like me?  Who will take part in a traditional Spring Cleaning session?  And, if you are, do you have any tips?  Here’s one of mine:  I fill a bathtub with water and Fabuloso (a great, inexpensive cleaning liquid; my scent is lavender).  Then, I soak my blinds for a bit, drain them on some beach towels, and re-hang.  My blinds are clean, and the house smells divine.

Here’s one more tip:  get the kids in on the action!  Hand each child a trash bag and ask them to toss the junk out of the closets and desks.  I’m always amazed at how much they’ll accomplish….usually asking for additional trash bags!  We give away what is still usable and toss the rest.  (Confession:  I’ve been known to wait until the kids leave for school and then give their rooms my own perusal.  I may or may not throw things away when they aren’t looking.)

Your turn!  What will you be Spring Cleaning?

The Price of Parenting

At Mountain Lake Church, we recently wrapped up a teaching series called Family Tree in which we took a hard look at the modern family, why we’re dysfunctional, and God’s intended design for each member of the family unit.  So, when I was reading my bible today, I took special notice of this particular story.  It’s found in 1 Samuel chapters 2 and 3.

Eli, and his 2 sons, Phinehas and Hophni, served as priests in the Temple.  But, chapter 2 points out some glaring issues regarding the actions and character of Eli’s sons:

“Now the sons of Eli were scoundrels who had no respect for the Lord or for their duties as priests.”

In fact, these boys were seducing the girls who worked the Temple gates and they were improperly handling the sacrifices people were offering to God.  They apparently had little or no regard for their position, their reputation, or standing before God.

Eli certainly knew what was going on.  He heard the stories.  He saw the attitude of his sons.  (Isn’t it true that most us, as parents, have some inkling as to what kind of people their kids are, even if we tend to paint a rosier picture than what the truth really is?)

“Now Eli was very old, but he was aware of what his sons were doing to the people of Israel.  He knew, for instance, that his sons were seducing the young women who assisted at the entrance of the Tabernacle.  Eli said to them, “I have been hearing reports from all the people about the wicked things you are doing.  Why do you keep sinning?  You must stop, my sons!  The reports I hear among the Lord’s people are not good.  If someone sins against another person, God can mediate for the guilty party.  But if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede?”

Eli knew.  He saw.  He heard.  But, he didn’t do anything about the behavior of his sons.  Eli could have removed his sons from leadership.  He could have taken away their privileges.  He could have punished them in some way to stop their disrespect of God, the Temple, and him.  But, he didn’t.  Instead, he abdicated his role as a parent and did nothing.

I know parents like Eli, don’t you?  Men and women who plead with their kids to behave but never follow through with proper consequences.  Men and women who are more likely to apologize on behalf of their poorly behaved children or teenagers rather than hold them to a higher standard of living.  I’ll confess that I’m tempted to be one of those parents from time to time….to overlook disrespect because I know my kids are tired or to excuse poor work ethic because their schedule is full…..but then I’m reminded of the rest of the story in 1 Samuel chapter 3:

“Then the Lord said to Samuel, “I am about to do a shocking thing in Israel.  I am going to carry out all my threats against Eli and his family, from beginning to end.  I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn’t disciplined them.” (emphasis mine)

Punishment did indeed come for Phinehas and Hophni, except it didn’t come from Eli.  It was handed down directly from God.  What’s more, they aren’t the only ones who paid a price.  Eli was held responsible for failing to discipline his children. In fact, Eli’s entire family was eventually destroyed.

Sounds severe, doesn’t it?  Yes, it does!  Especially to my overlooking excusing way of viewing bad behavior.  There are many mighty lessons to learn about parenting in this short passage, but the one I’m gleaning today is that God holds parents responsible for disciplining their children.  

If you are a parent, let me encourage you.  Act with love and grace toward your kids.  Support and protect them.  But, do not fail to correct them.  If you allow their unwise actions and attitudes to go unchecked, they – and you – might pay a painful price.

 

 

Flannel Boards and Other Intimidating Things

Each month I write a little diddy for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I like to share those articles with you guys, too. This month the magazine focuses on ‘”family time.” 

Sometimes I amazed by those families. You know the ones. They have family devotions. Every day. The mom creates handy-dandy crafts to complement the devotional lesson. Bible verses are memorized, and their refrigerators are adorned with popsicle-stick characters from the Old Testament. They probably even have their very own flannel board for story-telling. Yeah, those families.

The Lovejoy’s aren’t like that. At all. I’m not the mom who likes to make crafts, and my patience wears thin when we try to corral our family to sit still and pay attention.

Yet, I wholeheartedly believe that parents are the best teachers for their kids and that there is nothing more important than teaching them about God. I just take a different approach. I tend to grab teachable moments as they come and leverage them to show my kids the value of Godliness, obedience, love, and generosity.

I’ll give you an example: my oldest daughter sat with me during one of our services at MountainLakeChurch not long ago. She was absolutely tuned in to what her dad was teaching on stage as she took notes and underlined verses in her Bible. Occasionally, she leaned over to whisper a question or clarify a thought, and I had the chance to direct her to additional verses and show her some ways to learn even more. That doesn’t happen in every church service, so when I recognized her interest, I seized the teachable moment.

I look for similar opportunities with my younger two children. For instance, the other day when my little boy got his feelings hurt, we talked about the need to repair and restore the relationship because “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). A real life experience…..related back to God.

Of course, I leverage my influence in the social media arena, as well.  My oldest daughter and I have thought-provoking conversations about posts we see on Facebook and Twitter.  Often, I’m able to springboard off those posts to guide her toward making wise choices and why she should make them. It’s not my goal to be “preachy.” I simply want to coach her to be the best young woman she can be – relationally and spiritually.

So, we haven’t bought a flannel board or finger puppets. Nothing against puppets, mind you. I’m just not wired that way. And, just in case you’re not wired like that either, I want to encourage you to look for everyday, teachable moments and make the most of them! Don’t let it intimidate you. Discussing real life situations can be one of your best tools for instilling integrity and moral character in your children.  Take the time to pass along the wisdom that you possess.  You CAN do it!

 

Parenting 101

This weekend, my husband continued a teaching series at Mountain Lake called Family Tree.  We’ve taken a hard look at why so many modern families describe themselves as dysfunctional and what we, as Christians, can do to be the functional families God intended us to be. We’ve talked about the roles of men, the role of women, and this weekend we tackled the role of parents.

Shawn’s message was packed with Scriptures which corrected wrong thinking, inspired new ideas, and encouraged us to own our role as parents, and I talked to so many parents who left with a renewed desire to lead and love well.

Which brings me to the point of this post.  I’m no expert on child-rearing.  I’ve made my share of mistakes as a parent.  But, I have also done a few things right!  So, today I wanted to share one idea with you to teach your kids about God.  Interested?  Good!

Each day as I take my 8- and 9-year-old’s to school, I ask one of them to pray out loud.  Before they do, we brainstorm what we’d like to talk to God about.  We pray for sick friends, for our sponsored Compassion children, for memory recall on tests, or for help for others.  We thank God for our sweet family and for sleepovers.  And, we ask God to help us recognize who might need our help today.  Easy stuff.  Each day a different child prays, and as they do, they are learning TONS!

1. They are building their own relationship with God.

2.  They are getting comfortable with praying out loud. (I know SO MANY adults who are scared to death to pray aloud.)

3.  They are recognizing when and how God answers their prayers.

4.  They are creating a habit of talking to God.  

After they finish praying (which sometimes includes a “P.S. God” when they forget something), we go over a few memory verses.  Don’t think I’ve researched the Bible to select passages to memorize.  I’m not THAT good.  I simply take the help the Children’s Ministry at church has provided!  They give the kiddos verses to focus on each week, so we’re putting them to good use.  Here’s what they’ve been memorizing this month:

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Psalm 119:27 Help me understand the meaning of your commandments, and I will meditate on your wonderful deeds.

Sometimes I’ll ask them to explain the verses to me.  If they stumble, I guide them to understanding.  It’s my job!  I’m supposed to train them up in the way they should go!

The entire process only takes 5-7 minutes, but it’s so effective.  If you are looking for an easy way to begin training your kiddos, give my method a try.

Any parent can do this!  Every child needs this!

Do you have some easy ways to teach your kids about God?  Talking about what you learned at church during Sunday lunch…..reading a devotional together before bed…..reading a book of the bible together…..I’d love to hear what you’re up to!  And, don’t miss next weekend’s church services – Shawn will wrap up this series with a look at the role of children in our families!