Girlfriends Review: Confessions

Confessions.  We all have them, don’t we? We’ve all messed up, dropped the ball, thought or done wrong things, or just plain embarrassed ourselves.  None of us are perfect.  None of us lead perfect lives.

Take me for instance.  Like our first year in ministry.  My husband and I literally overslept the Easter Son-rise service.  I’m not kidding.

Or, what about the time I wore my swimsuit backward to the pool….all day…..when I was pregnant.  Have you got that picture painted in your mind? I had bra cups on my back.  Yes, the Lead Pastor’s wife at Mountain Lake completely embarrassed herself!

Yep, I could confess a lot of embarrassing moments.  But, I could confess some darker issues, too.  I could confess a deep need for people to like me.  Most people would assume I only care what God thinks of me, but that’s not true.  I care much too much if people approve of me….if they like me…..if they think that I’m good at what I do.  Stuff like that can cripple me when it comes to making tough leadership decisions….causing me to worry about what people will think or how they will react.  Or, it will leave me spinning when a friend chooses to leave my church.  In those moments, I don’t feel Godly.  I feel small and lonely.

There.  I said it.  I’m not perfect.  I’ve done embarrassing things.  I struggle with wrong thoughts and emotions.  And, I do things that don’t please my Heavenly Father.  I’m absolutely not perfect.  Yet there’s something within many of us that wants to hide our flaws….to convince the world around us that we have it all together….to hold out an image of perfection.

I’ll hide my flaws….my failures….my sins.  I’ll make excuses for them or convince myself that it’s not really that big of a deal.  Sure, I may have failed to put someone else first or maybe I’ve neglected my relationship with God, but I’ve been busy doing good things!  Doesn’t that count for something?  Or, sure I was venting about someone else, but I needed to get it off my chest!  That’s ok, right?  Would you agree with me that we often makes excuses for attitudes and behavior that are plainly wrong?

Other times, we fail to even recognize that we we’re not perfect!  I’ve certainly been guilty of it!  I have literally sat down to pray and began by asking forgiveness for my sins….but I couldn’t think of any!  I mean, I don’t commit murder, I don’t steal, I’m not having an affair….I basically have the Top Ten down, so I’m ok, right?  Oh the arrogance!  My temptation is to overlook character development and love for others and focus only on living an outwardly “good” life.  Do you relate at all?

At Girlfriends (our women’s ministry at MLC) last week, we talked about our tendency to excuse or overlook our sin. As a matter of fact, God has something powerful to say about this topic of confession.

Isaiah 59: 1-2 “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear.”

My God is able and capable. He can rescue me, and He listens to me. But, if I willingly choose to follow my own path and ignore Him, He will hide His face from me. In other words, He’ll leave me to my own devices….and consequences.

That’s a scary place to be.

Honest, humble confession is the solution.  Confession clears the obstacles between us and God, inviting Him to once again move with power in our lives.

That’s EXACTLY where I want to be.

Have you excused or overlooked sin in your life?  Don’t wait another moment.  Run to God and confess!  Open the pathway to Him again!  Then, and only then, will He shine His face on you and listen with pleasure to your words.

James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Has Been Broken

Is it possible?  Can a marriage that has been broken by betrayal actually be restored?  Can a couple divided be reunited?  Can adultery really be forgiven?  Can trust be rebuilt?

The short answer is yes.  But, the short answer might take quite a while.  Months.  Even years.  Trust is difficult to earn when adultery has ripped a couple in two, but it IS possible.

My friend, Cindy Beall, knows.  She’s lived it.  She has the scars, but she also has a renewed marriage….a renewed love…..and even a renewed understanding of confession and forgiveness.

Cindy’s book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Has Been Broken, is a heart-wrenching, gut-level honest look at the lowest point in her marriage: the adulterous affairs (yes, that means more than one) of her husband, who just happened to be a pastor.

In the book, Cindy shares the intimate details of her reactions, private thoughts, inner struggles, anger, depression, and fears as she walked through the process of allowing God to heal her marriage.  Even more compelling is the portrayal of her husband’s willingness to earn trust.

Twice in the past week, God has allowed me to counsel ladies who have recently found themselves in the same situation as Cindy.  Their worlds have crumbled down around them as their husbands confessed to affairs.  I am so thankful that I had resources I could offer them:

1. A Christian marriage counselor right here on Mountain Lake Church’s campus.

2. Cindy’s book.

When a person’s entire life falls apart with one conversation, they need help to process the emotions and relationship minefield that surround them.  Counseling just might save the relationship.  And, hey, counseling isn’t just for the problem areas of our lives.  Regular “tune-ups” can heighten the value of all of our relationships.

If you find yourself in the same boat as my friends, click the link above and check out Cindy’s book.  The insight God gave her is priceless.  Allow her pain to help you heal.  And, find a Christian counselor.  Don’t try to navigate your pain alone.

Thanks, Cindy, for sharing your story with the world.  May God use it to heal many, many marriages for His glory.

My Problem

I have a problem. A workout problem. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the motivation. And, I don’t a plan.

Hi. My name is Tricia, and I haven’t worked out consistently in over a year.

(insert, “Hi, Tricia” here)

I guess it’s true: the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Or, being slapped in the face that sleeveless shirt season is upon me. And, swimsuit season. And, since I basically live at the pool with my kids during the summer, I better face reality.

First, I had to make the time. Once I leave the house each day, my life is ON, so if I’m going to exercise, it better be before I leave. Hence, a new morning routine. Second, I needed to get motivated. I’ve learned in my spiritual life that sometimes we have to “behave” our way into new habits, so I’m not waiting until I “feel” like working out. And, finally, I needed a plan. So, I went shopping with Shawn and picked up Jillian’s latest workout, Ripped in 30. I’ve already knocked out days 1, 2, and 3, and that feels good.

I’m not the only Lovejoy in the “workout spirit”, either. The big man, himself, is tackling Insanity. I’ve heard great things about it, too, and Shawn is enjoying his after-work workouts.

You know what, though? I’m not new to this. I’ve just failed to make it a priority. In the past I’ve done everything from a Cindy Crawford workout (yes, I just said Cindy Crawford) to P90X. I’ve just gotten lazy. But, no more. I am on it!

So, what’s your workout method? The gym? A personal trainer? A video? And, do you make every move or do you modify? Maybe you just get thumb exercises on your remote while you lay on the couch. Let me hear from YOU. What do YOU do?

Are You Good Enough?

At our Churchplanters.com conference last year, Velocity 2010, I heard this song for the first time.  I was just about to speak to a group of Pastor’s Wives in a small group session.  As I always am before I speak, I was nervous and trying to focus my heart and mind on Jesus rather than my fears.  Not fears of speaking on behalf of Jesus.  That’s my honor.  No, just the typical fears of screwing up, losing my train of thought, looking foolish,….you know, the basic fears we all have regarding what others think of us. Not to mention, I was battling strep throat and a sinus infection, complete with steroids that were making me sick.  Needless to say, my nerves were building. 

As I sat in the first main session of Velocity 2010, I was praying and asking God to use me in spite of my silly nerves, fears, and inadequacies.  Just then Anthony Evans took the stage and sang a song just for me.  God used the lyrics to change my perspective and remind me that I am just His vessel; He’ll do the work.  I don’t have to be THE BOMB!  He is.

Want to hear it for yourself?  Click here to listen.

Hold on you got the wrong guy
And I’m wondering why you don’t seem to see
The job at hand needs a better man
But for some crazy reason you’re calling me
Overwhelmed and under prepared
It’s written on my face I’m scared
Then I hear you call out to me.

You don’t have to be good enough
This love is for free and it’s more than enough
I’ll be your strength in all you say and all you do
My Love will make you
Good enough

You don’t have to be capable
Just be available to follow where I lead
Whatever, whenever, wherever oh you’ll
Never believe all the things you can do through me
So when this big world makes you feel small
Hold your head up high and walk tall
Cause this is where the good news begins

Blessed are the poor they will inherit the earth
And the weak they will find their true worth
He said come all you weary come get closer to me

you don’t have to be good enough

Are you trying to accomplish things in your own power?  Are you trying to measure up or be good enough to win the approval of others?  Rest in the truth of this song, my friends.  You don’t have to be able.  Just be available.

Fasting Revelations

So, yesterday I shared a secret confession – I’ve never fasted longer than 1 day.  Until 18 months ago, that is.  As promised, I wanted to share some insights from my first venture into denying myself food so I could focus on the Bread of Life.  Here is the first:

Hunger is not cumulative.  I imagined hunger pains that would become so great that I couldn’t withstand the temptation to eat.  False.  I discovered I COULD overcome the urge to eat as long as I took some preventative measures, like averting my eyes from food commercials or avoiding preparing large meals for my family.  I quickly learned that when I saw food, the hunger pain grew.  When I distanced myself from food, the hunger dulled.  Now, the hunger didn’t go away, but it definitely became more manageable.  Is the underlying truth as clear to you as it is to me?

 Whatever temptation you struggle with – gossip, discontentment, lying, self-centeredness, anger – the closer you get to the fire, the more likely you are to get burned.  Let me give you an example:  if you struggle with discontentment with your home, watching home decorating shows may simply serve to ignite your discontent.  As you watch home makeovers, you may be tempted to look at your own decorations and not be thankful for what you have.  In this way, your “hunger pains” just grew!  But, when you avert your eyes – when you avoid watching those particular shows or randomly browsing Pottery Barn – your discontentment dulls.  Over time, you may even find that you become appreciative of all the beautiful furnishings God has allowed you to have.  The theory is true for any temptation.  You fill in the blank.

The bottom line is overcoming temptation is easier when you take preventative measures to avoid the problem area. In other words, get your hands out of the cookie jar! 

What about you?  What temptation gets the best of you?  Maybe we can help each other!

Confessions of a Pastor’s Wife: Admiting My Secrets

Have you ever noticed that it’s easier to confess your sins to God than it is to confess them to another person? 

God promises to forgive and forget. 

God gives second (and third and fourth) chances. 

God doesn’t blab to untold numbers of people.

And, God doesn’t withhold His love or acceptance. 

We mere humans struggle a bit in every one of these areas!  We are apt to judge each other’s weaknesses and assume the worst things about someone else.  Let’s just admit it: we don’t often respond like God does to sin.  He forgives and forgets.  We make judgements and hold on to our memories.  Oh, to be more Christ-like.  But, God encourages us to confess our sins to each other because He knows that in our confession we will find accountability to overcome our struggle.

So, in the vein of being transparent, I have a confession for you today.  Up until a year and a half ago, I had never fasted longer than one day.  That may not be mind-blowing for some of you, but, I’ve walked with our Lord for a long time, I’ve studied the Scriptures, and I know fasting is something Jesus talked about.  Nevertheless, I’ve always had a good excuse for avoiding this not-so-attractive discipline, or so I thought. 

Less than two years ago, my hubby challenged all of us at MLC to a 7 day fast.  As sure as I’m typing this post, God called me to participate.  I felt Him move my spirit and place within me a desire, no, a drive, to fast.  I wanted to spend extended time in prayer for our Ministry Team and our church and I wanted to express my seriousness to God.  So, without much more of a plan than that, I began.  Over the next few days, I’ll share what I discovered during my journey then, as well as other fasts in which I have participated since. 

What about you?  Confessions, anyone?  What parts of the Christian life do you still struggle with?  Maybe if you speak it, you’ll start to overcome it.

Confessions of a Pastor’s Wife: Doubting God’s Love

Have you ever experienced something bad?  I mean, really bad.  Life changing, earth shaking bad?  We all have…..or we’re going to.  Bad things happen to everyone.  The reality is we live in a fallen world full of disease, death, and sin.  (Yeah, real bright post, huh?)  Does that mean God doesn’t love us?  Well, the Christian teacher in me says no.  Absolutely not.  But, my human heart has screamed otherwise.

In 2001, I experienced not one, but two miscarriages.  The first one shocked me, but I recovered well and chalked it up to “these things happen.”  A few months later, I had a second miscarriage, though, that rocked my world.  I couldn’t believe it.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that God was not allowing me to live the life I wanted to live – you know, married, a few kids, protected life, etc.  It seemed my plan for my life and His plan were 2 different things.  I began to think His hand of protection was off of my life; that He didn’t care that I was hurting; that He must not love me.  I mean, how could a loving God do this to me, especially when I spend my life serving and honoring Him?

So, I wallowed in self pity.  Not undeservedly, I might add.  Miscarriages are much more than a physical loss, after all.  I mourned quietly and without sharing with anyone what I was really feeling….not even Shawn.  Why not share, you ask?  Because I felt so ashamed of myself.  I knew the right answers in my head:  God hasn’t forgotten me, He loves me, and His way is always best.  But, that knowledge didn’t AT ALL match what was in my heart.  In fact, it was a HUGE contradiction.  And, for 3 months I struggled to make sense of what I knew in my head and what I felt in my heart.

Here comes my confession: After that second miscarriage, I didn’t pray or read my Bible at all for 3 months.  I didn’t seek after God because I was mad and hurt and confused.  Most of all, I doubted God’s love.  In other words, something really bad happened to me, and I figured if God loved me He would have prevented it.  Have you ever felt that way?  What’s worse is I knew I was wrong for thinking that way!  My head knowledge of who God is proved it.  So, I felt like God didn’t love me, felt guilty for thinking that way, and suffered in silence.  (I bet I was a joy to be around )

Finally, something prompted me to open God’s Word.  I figured I would give the book of Job a shot.  He suffered, so maybe I could figure this whole thing out and move on with my life.  I mean, life was getting miserable.  Do you know what I discovered?  That sometimes bad things happen to good people.  That the rain falls on the just and the unjust.  That this life isn’t Heaven.  I should expect calamity.  But, God was gracious enough to give me a deeper truth, too.  Here it is:

Never allow circumstances to define your understanding of God’s love for you. God’s love for you was settled on the cross when He stretched out His hands and died.  God loves you….desperately.

Want proof? Read Romans 8:35, 37-39:

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Are you dealing with some circumstances that are rocking your world?  In the midst of them, are you doubting God’s love?  Let me be a messenger of His grace today.  Hear me say, “He loves YOU.”  He does.  Run to Him in times of trouble.  Don’t turn away.  If He never gave you another gift as long as you lived, the gift of His son is enough to assure you of His love.  Rest in the security of that.

SharpenHim

So, the other day a male friend of mine secretly confessed to my husband that he not only reads SharpenHer, he likes it.  He said he figured with a name like SharpenHER it must be for women only, but he really enjoyed reading the posts.  Fast forward a few days to when I bumped into another man at MLC.  With a wink in his eye, he asked me if it was alright that he read my blog.  Would he have to turn in his man card?  Ok, that one tickled me.  Then, I received a Facebook message from yet another man who asked if guys could read SharpenHer.

The resounding answer is YES! SharpenHer is for everyone.  I just happen to be a HER.  I will occasionally write posts that are geared just for women (like the Refreshing Reminders series), but I just might write a few that focus on the fellas.  Most often, though, the posts at SharpenHer are designed to sharpen all of us.  To challenge us to deeper faith.  To inspire us to love people better.  To laugh a little.  To see behind the scenes of my life in ministry.  To challenge our leadership skills.  Maybe most importantly, to share in the conversation together through comments and feedback.

So, guys, you’re safe.  I’m glad you are along for the ride.  Whether you are a closet SharpenHer reader or you get crazy and actually subscribe, I promise to keep you in mind when I write these posts.  Have no fear of me talking about PMS or hair extensions.  I’ve got your back.

Coming Soon

Launch Date:  November 3, 2010