The Secret I Kept

A few weeks ago I received a phone call from my daughter’s (Hannah) middle school.  Apparently, she was going to be given an award on May 22nd, and I was invited to attend the ceremony.  Since it was intended to be a surprise, I was asked to keep it under wraps and simply show up for the event.

Keeping it under wraps took restraint.  Discipline, I tell you.  Hannah had mentioned the awards ceremony in passing a few times, and each time she assured me she had no chance of winning anything.  Since I knew that to be false, I had to bite my lip to keep from telling her the good news.  Oh, the squirming I did!

So, yesterday was the big day.  I listened as awards were presented to students who had achieved academically and had proven to be stellar students, but the best sound was the cheers that came from the students, themselves.  They had a blast whooping and hollering and celebrating each other.  As I sat there, I thought about the significance of taking some time to celebrate the wins in our lives.  Big or small, accomplishments are important, and recognizing them is even more important.  There is something fantastic about getting a pat on the back.  It just spurs you on.

Yesterday made me want to print a few certificates of my own.  To pat a few backs.  To celebrate the accomplishments of my friends.

• Like, my friends JJ and Brian who have hosted my Life Group in their home this year.  They’ve provided a welcoming environment for our group to enjoy.  Their hospitality makes me smile.
• Or, my friend Meagan who is mentoring several young women.  She selflessly offers her time to love and encourage other people.  She is making a difference!
• Or, my friend Jill who, after years of working hard, will become a stay-at-home mom next week.  She has resigned from teaching and is looking forward to being home with her family and volunteering at church at a heightened level.  She’s planned and saved for this day, and the reward will be so sweet.
• Or, my mother-in-law, Teresa, who has battled a bewildering illness for several years now.  She keeps putting one foot in front of the other, and despite the pain no one seems to understand, she loves and cares for her family.  Inspiring.

We don’t need certificates to celebrate.  We just need our words.  Tell someone today what a good job they’re doing or how they put a smile on your face.  I assure you, your words will spur them on to greatness!  People value what is celebrated.  Celebrate the good you see and watch as good flourishes!

Oh, and by the way, Hannah earned honors for achievements in Physical Science, and she earned the Wildcat Award, which is an award to honor someone who excels academically, is involved in activities, contributes to the community, and whose character is an example for others.  Way to go, Hannah!  That’s my girl!

 

All Good Things Must Come to an End

All good things must come to an end. Most of the activities that my family enjoys will come to a close this week.

• My Life Group (the small group ministry at Mountain Lake) takes a break until the Fall.
• My oldest daughter finishes her 8th grade year…ending her middle school years.
• My younger two kids wrap up their school year with parties and games.
• I finished watching season 3 of Downton Abbey on my DVR (not a big deal to some, but the cliffhanger was a doozy).
• I completed a mentoring relationship.
• And, finally, I brought the semester to a close for Girlfriends (our women’s environment at MLC).

Yep, a lot of things have come to a close in my life.  Bittersweet feelings swirl through my heart and mind.  While I’m celebrating the finish line, I’m also mourning it.  (I mean, how will I spend my time now that Downton Abbey is over??) 

Seriously, I’m a little reflective as my oldest finishes middle school.  I only have 4 more years before she leaves for college, and I certainly feel hard pressed to make each day count with her. That’s one finish line I’m not ready to cross.

Yet other endings thrill me.  Like completing a mentoring relationship with a friend. We’ve met our goals and sharpened ourselves spiritually.  Feels good.

Recently, I talked with several friends who shared of seasons of “burn-out” in their lives.  They had engaged in activities they enjoyed, but with no exit strategy or end date they eventually found themselves worn out from the tasks.  Good work – really good work – like serving others or accomplishing goals can suck the life out of us if we allow it.  That’s why I love a good ending.  A stop date.  A break.  A finish line.  Taking a short breather from activities can do so much good – refresh you, revive your creativity, and rest your mind.  Even better, a little rest prevents burn-out.

Do you have a finish line for the work you’re doing?  You see, all good things must come to an end.  We need to cross the finish line and celebrate the win!  Then we need to rest and replenish before we start another race.  What does that look like for you?

Good Counsel

Next week, I will complete a 9 month mentoring session for a friend of mine.  She is a fellow Pastor’s wife who is about to embark on the wild adventure of church planting – one I’m not sure we’re ever fully prepared for!

Each month, we talked about various aspects of ministry life and ways we could improve or stretch ourselves.  We shared our hearts and prayed for one another.  And, we shared creative ideas for our families, our churches, our ministries, and our leadership influence.

This friend of mine will have her hands full as she and her husband plant a new church, and hopefully she is better able to address the issues they’ll face in the years to come because of our time together.  Maybe she’ll avoid the pitfalls of blurring the lines between marriage and ministry.  Maybe she’ll leverage her influence a little better.  Maybe she’s learned the importance of carving out time to sharpen her skills and deepen  her faith.

Did you know that God has something to say about mentoring?  Check it out:

Plans succeed through good counsel; don’t go to war without wise advice.” Proverbs 20:18

What about you?  Do you seek good counsel?  Do you seek wise advice?  Let me encourage you to carve out one hour a month to sit down with a trusted, Godly friend and spend some time making each other better.  As you sip a Java Chip frappuccino, ask about one another’s spiritual growth, challenge each other to improve the chaotic parts of your lives.  Pray for one another.  Be intentional.  And make it a standing appointment or it simply won’t happen.

I wished I could have had the benefit of someone guiding me through the up’s and down’s of church planting when my husband and I started Mountain Lake Church, but I didn’t.  I walked the minefield of leadership and public life alone.  And I made mistakes that I could have avoided.  Now that I’m a little farther along in ministry experience, I’m finding ways to provide the counsel I needed back then to a few other women following in my footsteps.

Don’t go it alone!  Seek good counsel for your life and ministry! Grab a trusted friend and a cup of something yummy and dive into a few questions like these:

1. What are you currently reading in Scripture?
2. What is God teaching you?
3. Where/how are you using your gifts to serve in the local church? How is God stretching you in this area?
4. Are you tithing?
5. How is your marriage? How are you supporting your spouse? How are you handling conflict?
6. How are you loving and leading your children?
7. What are you currently struggling with?
8. What are some areas you are seeing success and growth in your life?
9. Who are you investing into?
10. What do you want to improve in your life, spiritual walk, friendships, or work life?

Spend some time helping yourself – and others – succeed in marriage, ministry, and life.

What about you?  Have you experienced “good counsel” like this?  Share your ideas with me!

A Response to Conflict and Criticism

Yesterday, I shared a friend’s request for help in a sticky situation in leadership and asked for your feedback.  As promised, today I’m sharing what I suggested she do.  See what you think. These are my actual words to her:

For the visitor: I would respond to the email. I would express sorrow and disappointment that she did not feel the love and friendliness your church is so well-known for. (Perception is reality, so if she felt unloved then she views your church as unloving). Ask if something specific happened to upset her and quickly address those issues, letting her know that you will do all you can so that it doesn’t happen again. Share the vision/mission of your church with her and assure her that your goal is to love people well because Christ loved people so well. I would most definitely apologize for her experience.

I know you are probably thinking that the lady is wrong….and she might be!  Nevertheless, I often find that by being a peacemaker and showering others with kindness and understanding I shame them OR help them gain a new perspective of the situation. In other words, give this lady a reason to believe that the leaders of the church are loving, thoughtful people. 

For the church member:  If she is a constant source of divisiveness or disunity, the pastor could schedule a meeting to discuss her ability to be part of the congregation. If she is unhappy with the vision, unsatisfied with the programs, or disappointed in leadership (for whatever reason), she is going to struggle in the church. THAT’S OK! Not every church is for every person. Explain to her that part of the membership covenant of the church body is unity and loyalty with the members AND the leadership team. If she continues to express negativity, she will adversely effect the church by stirring up feelings of disharmony. No church can continue like that. It is not good for volunteer teams, small groups, or the corporate church. Assure her that you love her and that if she needs to find another church to join – one that more closely aligns with her ideas – you will support her and still be her friend. No hard feelings. This is a conversation for whichever pastor she most closely relates to. 

The goal is to win the relationship, not to win the argument. However, wisdom knows when to let the relationship go….not because you’re tired of dealing with it, but because it is doing harm to the Body as a whole. The ministry leadership team is responsible for protecting the flock from the divisiveness that can cripple the leadership in the eyes of others. 

This isn’t the last time you will deal with disgruntled people, sadly. But, this experience will make you more prepared for the next. Be gentle as doves but wise as a serpent (Matt 10:16). Do all you can to keep peace among the brothers (Romans 12:18). And lead well. 

So there you have it.  I could have shortened and edited it, but I felt led to give you guys very specific details on one way to respond to conflict and criticism.  To be sure, there are several ways to effectively address situations like this, but I pray this post helps you.  And I pray you are better prepared to lead well!

Conflict and Criticism

Conflict and criticism.

Those are two subjects every pastor and his wife face.  Whether it’s a misunderstanding among church members, a misconception from a guest, or a disagreement with the programming of the church, those of us in ministry leadership manage disgruntled people and grievances on a regular basis. In addition, we counsel countless people through their own quarrels and squabbles.

In short, we better have a clear understanding on conflict resolution and peace making.

But, sometimes we come up short, don’t we?  At times, it becomes personal. Our emotions come into play and it is difficult to see another person’s perspective.  Oh sure, it’s easy when we’re advising someone else on their issues.  But, responding when we’re the ones feeling attacked?  Well, that’s when the rubber meets the road, isn’t it?

I recently received an email from a pastor’s wife seeking advice for a misunderstanding in her church.  She described an angry email from someone who had recently attended her church.  The email depicted the people of the church as unloving and not compassionate.  It turned out that the writer of the email was not only a visitor of the church, but also the sister of a church member who often expresses her own negative views.

Needless to say, my friend disagreed with what she read.  She knows her church to be considerate and helpful….not at all the description of the email. Her dilemma, however, was how to respond.  Defend her church in a quick reply? Make a phone call? Schedule a meeting? Or, ignore the email altogether?

Sound familiar?  Have you dealt with similar situations in leadership?  I bet you have. Whether the issue is monumental or inconsequential, our responses matter. So, I shared my thoughts with this fellow pastor’s wife….and I’ll share them with you, too, tomorrow.

In the meantime, I’d like to hear what you’d advise.  What would you suggest our friend in leadership do – respond or ignore?  Maybe we’ll assist each other in the process for the next bout of conflict or criticism WE face.

So, let’s hear it? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

We’re Better Together

We’ve encouraged our church to read through the book of Acts during our latest teaching series, Life In Bold. Reading about the lives of the very first followers of Christ is a fantastic way to learn how to live an effective, bold, and impassioned life for the cause of Jesus.  I’ve shared some of my insights here and here as I’ve read one chapter each day.

We’ve read stories about baptisms and life change, and we’ve read about the persecution Christians faced.  But, maybe my favorite part of the book of Act is the stories of relationships.  Since most of the book focuses on the missionary trips of Paul, we are privy to an up close view of his faith, as well as his friendships.  Without question, Paul had quite an impact on the known world.  He taught countless people about Jesus, started churches in each town he visited, challenged the religious elite, raised money for the poor, and endured beatings and imprisonment.

But he was never alone.

Nope, Paul valued his friends.  He took them on his trips.  He prayed with them.  He was honest with them about his temptations. He comforted them, and he knew how to accept comfort and help from them. He seemed buoyed by their companionship.

Could it be one of the reasons he was so successful in his ministry?

Being in relationships with other healthy Christ-followers is essential to our spiritual growth.  When difficult situations arise, other believers can support us, as well as guide us through the challenges.  When we struggle with temptations, other believers can help us stand firm.  We grow in spiritual maturity as other believers teach us the lessons they’ve learned.  And we do the same for them.  Just as it was true for Paul, we buoy one another.

Together, we’re better. 

I believe Paul was able to plant churches, travel all over the known world, and teach relentlessly about Jesus because he was never alone.  He had a posse.  He was supported, understood, encouraged, prayed for, and loved.

Are you?  Are you investing into and developing healthy relationships with other believers?  Not the surface kind.  Not the kind where you pretend you have it all together.  The authentic kind where you truly share your heart and life.

You need it.  So do I.  Open yourself to being challenged and supported by a trusted Christian friend.  You’ll be better for it.  Take it from Paul.

The Three Greatest Threats to My Christian Life

Over the last 2 weekends at Mountain Lake Church 34 people have been baptized.  I excitedly watched and cheered for each one of them….several of whom I personally know.  I’m even more pumped about the new life they are beginning.  2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life has gone; a new life has begun!”  Sure, they’ll make plenty of mistakes….we all do.  Just read what James 3:2 says, “For indeed we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongue, we would be perfect, and could also control ourselves in every other way.” But if they stay focused on God, they will steadily grow in faith and become more and more like Jesus.  That’s a direct promise! John 5:4 quotes Jesus, “Remain in me and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” 

Nevertheless, I’ve been a follower of Jesus long enough to know the challenges to staying focused on Him…to remaining in Him.  My experiences have proven just how easy it is to drift away from the One I claim to follow.  When I do, I lose momentum.  I lose a sense of fulfillment and purpose.  I lose an innate sense of happiness that comes from walking closely with God. And I suffer all the consequences of taking my eyes off my Leader.

Recognizing the subtle ways I take my eyes off of Jesus is key to my spiritual health.  Here are 3 of the greatest threats to the vitality of my Christian life:

1.  Exchanging what I do for who I am. I’m tempted to focus more on the acts of service I do, rather than my love relationship with God. When I do, my life becomes extremely self-centered, not God-centered.

2.  Thinking I’m good enough.  I’m tempted to overlook or excuse my sin.  I must recognize it and confess it.  If I don’t, I limit the power of God in my life.

3.  Putting on a Christian face. I’m tempted to pretend I have it all together, rather than being transparent and vulnerable to a few trusted friends.  When I do, my growth is stifled and stunted.

What about you? Do you recognize these trends in your own life?  What are the greatest threats to your Christian life?

 

You Know You’re A Mom When

Each month I write an article for a local magazine, Up In Cumming, and I enjoy sharing those articles with you guys, too.  This month’s theme: Mother’s Day, of course.  I wrote (most of ) this article a year ago, but I couldn’t resist updating it for this month’s issue.  If you are a mom, I hope you laugh….and relate.

Over the Christmas break, my family spent a few days in Gatlinburg, TN with my sister-in-law and her family. We walked the strip, ate apple butter att The Apple Barn, and got car sick driving the windy roads of the Smokies.  All of the kids goofed off and laughed, we swapped Christmas presents, and spent way too much time in Fannie Farkles Arcade (It’s the South; don’t judge our stupid names.)

As we were leaving a restaurant one afternoon, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets to find my gloves (yep, the Smokies were covered in snow), but I had to sift through all the other stuff I had crammed in there first.  I literally had to stop walking so I could carefully pull out my gloves without spilling the items in my pocket.  That’s when I said it:

“You know you’re a mom when you carry a bottle of children’s ibuprofen and a measuring cup in your pocket just in case someone get sick.”

My sister-in-law snickered and admitted she, too, had a few oddities in her possession:

“You know you’re a mom when you have toilet seat covers in your purse.”

I had to one-up her:

“You know you’re a mom when you keep trash bags in the glove compartment of your car in case someone throws up.”

We enjoyed our little game.  Then we walked into a crowded skating rink and found ourselves counting heads every five minutes to make sure we had not lost one of our kids.  Yet another sign of motherhood.

Oh, but the game didn’t end there for me.  Late one night after we returned home, my whole family was tucked neatly in their own beds sound asleep when I thought I heard a noise in the night.  I raised up off my pillow to listen more closely and heard nothing else, so I chuckled to myself as I rolled over and thought, “You know you’re a mom when you hear a noise in the night and your first fear is not an intruder but a sick child, instead.”

But, the laugh was on me.  Indeed, a child was sick, and I spent the next few hours awake with her.

I’m a mom.  It’s what I do.

Yet, my kids need so much more from me than what I can fit in my pockets or the medicines I can offer in the middle of the night.  They need my counsel after a fight with a friend.  They need my wisdom to shape their perspective on life.  They need the protective boundaries I put in place to save them from unwise choices.  And, they need to see a real-life example of how to live this life with grace and dignity.

That’s overwhelming.

I can handle Ibuprofen and fevers.  It’s the big stuff like shaping their world view and raising God-honoring people that leaves me shaking in my boots.  I can’t fit anything in my pockets for those issues.  But, I can put something in my heart.

God’s Word.

The Bible is full of wisdom for dealing with relationships, resolving conflict, and living an honorable life.  If I know those Truths, I can teach them to my kids.  So can you.

So while we’re busy stuffing our purses and pockets with goldfish crackers and trash bags, let’s stuff our hearts with encouragement from God’s Word.  Only then will we be truly equipped for the job.

2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.”

Bribery and Jesus

It started on a whim.

One morning on the way to school, my youngest child, Paul, recited a verse he had learned in Kraze. His sister, Madison, knew it, too.  Then she rattled off another verse she happened to know, which Paul repeated.  They were pretty impressed with themselves for knowing two verses.

On our way to school the next morning, I asked one of them to pray out loud, and then, out of the blue, they both recited their verses again.  I taught them one more for good measure, and so began our newest tradition: praying and memorizing bible verses on the way to school.

When they had mastered 8 verses, I dangled a carrot in front of them: $10 for 10 verses.  Yeah, I know, bribery might not be the wisest avenue to take, but they took the bait, and today they earned $10 each! Here are the verses they’ve memorized:

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

Exodus 20:3 You must not have any gods but me.

Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord.  He said, “Who will I send? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am.  Send me.”

Psalms 39:7 Where should I put my hope?  My only hope is in You.”

Psalms 119:27 Help me understand the meaning of Your commandments, and I will meditate on Your wonderful deeds.

Proverbs 11:27 The generous shall prosper. Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

Philippians 4:19 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

James 1:19 Understand this, brothers and sisters: All of you must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 3:2 For indeed we have all made many mistakes.  For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and able to control ourselves in every other way.

Pretty awesome, huh? It may look like a lot, but it literally takes us about 5-6 minutes to pray and recite the verses. I especially love when they explain the verses to me.  Understanding is more important than memorization.

Want to know the best part? As they’ve recited those verses each morning, I’ve learned them, too.  Score!

Today, I’m one proud mama….especially because the kiddos just found 2 new verses.  They want to tackle another set of 10!

If you are looking for an easy way to disciple your kids, give this a shot.  You just might find you disciple YOURSELF in the process.

 

A Quiet Celebration

Yesterday wasn’t noticed by anyone else.  It wasn’t celebrated by multiple well-wishes on Facebook or Twitter, and no one sent cards in the mail. In fact, no one knew that yesterday held any significance.

But, it did.

For Shawn and me.

May 1, 1999, we moved to Cumming, Georgia to start a new chapter in our lives: to plant Mountain Lake Church. We unloaded a moving truck, met our neighbors, and adjusted to life far from family and friends.  We spent the next 8 months prepping for our Grand Opening, and on January 16, 2000 we launched.  Now, that date is celebrated by many.  Our church honors its anniversary with a grateful look back over what God has done in our midst each year, and I love celebrating with all of our friends.

But, May 1 is a date that my husband and I hold just as dear.  It’s the date we stepped out in faith…..alone….with no guarantee what the future would hold.  I’ll never forget those early days or the feelings that accompanied them.  It was us against for the world.  We plotted, planned, dreamed, worked, laughed, cried……all while we prayed God would use us.

And, He has.

These have been the best 14 years of our lives.  We’ve experienced such contentment as we’ve lived out our purpose.  Sure, there have been days filled with doubt and moments when we’ve been ready to quit.  But, God has sustained us and He has equipped us for this task.

So, happy anniversary to Shawn and me.  Our quiet celebration warms my heart and motivates me to keep going.

Are you celebrating what God has done in your life?  Take a moment today and reflect.  You just might find the motivation and inspiration you need to keep going!